I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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