I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
