I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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