What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
