ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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