so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
