im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
