my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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