i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ttyl tear gas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize