i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
