Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
