Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How naked do you want me to be?
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