shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
