sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
