I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
