# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
