WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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