Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
