dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
