so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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