a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
