I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize