WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
