Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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