Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
