The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drunk is a universal language darling
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
