pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't think brook has ever known best
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
