then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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