so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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