So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
