just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
