I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
