So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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