I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
