this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize