break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
