maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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