My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
