# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
