he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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