Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you inspire me to be a worse person
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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