Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
