I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
