He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
