My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
