Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
