yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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