imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
