1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
