What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
