new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
