I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
