I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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