I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
