So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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