I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
