why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
