Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
