is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
