U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
