Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
