It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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