The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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