You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
