New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
