From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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