I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize