I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
