Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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