Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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