i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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