i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
