Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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