What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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