This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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