they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
