well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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