The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize