I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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