It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
