What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love accidental penises.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
