Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I understand Curling. That high.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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