I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize