Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
