So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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