I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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