My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
