Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
