So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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