seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
