walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
