dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
