On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
