idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
