the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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