There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
