I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
