I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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