I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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