just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
