so that wasnt chicken after all
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
