This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
