dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
