I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
