I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
