at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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